March 11, 1997

There are two sides to every story of divorce. Over the last few years, we have heard a great deal about ‘her’ side of the story in newspa- pers, magazines and on televi- sion. What we rarely hear, though, is ‘his’ side. As a result of my last article on Canada’s new divorce law, I was approached by several divorced men eager to bend my ear. Allow me to share a few tales.

Let’s start with Mr. H., who is a mature student at U.P.E.L. He and his wife di- vorced several years ago, quite bitterly, leaving her with cus- tody of his daughter. One day he received a call from his ex- wife announcing her intentions to remarry. After offering his congratulations, he was about to hang up when she added a

The Panther Prints

little request. _ “Oh..by the way... m new husband won’t marry me unless he can adopt our daugh- ter, so I want you to to relin- quish your rights to her.” Needless to say, Mr. H’s reaction was less than pleas- ant. The conversation ended with his ex-wife delivering an ultimatum: “Either you sign over the rights, or you will never see your daughter again.” Click. Not long after, she took his daughter and moved to the US, not once returning to the country. | It only ended when Mr. H. re- ceived a tip from a friend, tell- ing him a flight number and time she would be stopping in Canada for a visit. The sec- ond she stepped off the plane, she was served with papers ordering her to appear in court.

Cost for Mr. H. to be allowed to see his only daughter — $900. Time elapsed: three years.

Then there was Mr. B., who lost his custody battle with his wife and was ordered to pay $1,200 a month in child- support payments. He did, quite faithfully; but soon found his children calling him for favors. A new pair of jeans here, a pair of shoes there — all on top of his monthly pay- ment. On the advice of his lawyer, he saved his receipts for one month, just to see how much he was spending. At the end of the month, the total reached $1,000; and based upon this evidence, the lawyer managed to have his child- support payments halved. How? He proved the money wasn’t getting past the ex-

wife and onto his kids. As far as I know, his children are still calling.

My favorite story was about Mr. Y., who was hit with alimony payments worth $1,000 a month after he di- vorced his wife. Mr. Y.., though, refused to pay. Two years and $25,000 later, his wife took his to court and man- aged to get his wages gar- nished. So he quit his job and went on welfare. Another year of this, and his wife re- ceived permission to garnish his welfare checks too. No problem — he just got off welfare and started working under the table. No income, no alimony payments. Why do I admire him? His motives | suppose. You see, he came home one day and found his wife in bed with another man;

and he absolutely refused to pay for her infidelity. Can’t say I blame him.

For every story I’m told about deadbeat dads, I can tell you a story about a mother who spends her child-support payments on bingo and week- ends in the bars. For every ex- husband who abandons his kids, there’s a mother who runs away, who makes false accusations of sexual abuse, and who uses her children as a weapon of revenge. There is no doubt that many women suffer horribly after a divorce. What we seem to forget is that those. women have divorced men; and men suffer to.

There are two sides to every story. Unfortunately, women seem to have a stran- glehold on martyrdom. Men — they just get crucified.