"Skateboarding keeps us away from sex, drugs, and rock and roll. All those unhealthy teenage distractions. We're smart kids, really." says 15 year old Dylan Riley, one of five skate-

boarders who got the security-style _ boot off campus two Thursday's ago around 6:00 pm. And he actually does sound quite smart, for a skateboarder of course. Of course. "There they are driving around in vans. They could be busting crime instead of skateboarders. You know, getting fit instead of getting fat. And the plows are making too much noise in the winter too" says another, while yet another adds that there is to be "no fun on these premis- es" in his most serious tone. I believe it. No fun. I think I was angrier than any of them. :

I'm ready to leave this Nazi hell-hole of a security garbage can when I notice these kids skateboarding around in front of the main building. I think nothing of it - they're not bother- ing me, not getting in my way, just skating and working on some tricks. Then I see the infamous security van cruising up and I know, basically, what is going to happen. "You kids are going to have to leave" he says out the win- dow of the van. The kids start to walk away after twenty minutes of play, and sandwiches explode out my ears. Why do they have to leave? And so I ask.

It turns out that they are - ‘apparently - making to much noise with their jumping antics while classes are going on. True, classes are going on but to be completely honest about

—~ reaching any of them. Thus I also find

it hard to see how this noise could be a

bother to the diligent students. These

kids are making noise, but no that | much noise. In the middle of the day when people are standing around out- side talking there's a hell of a lot more noise going on. I'll have to mention to security the next time they're called in for backup in order to throw me out of the student bar, that there's a whole lot of noise going on and they're not doing anything about it. Because I think

~ something should be done about it -

£007 OF A9QCUIVAON IIPBY

x t we ®

Security Threatens Kids at UPEI

bring out the guns and call for back-up, there's too many of them! "Arrest those maligned people of voice and chatter!" Security will vanquish the enemy - all in a day's work for the mighty badge. I would like to personally thank you for keeping this university a safe place to... you know, not do anything. You can see that I thoroughly appreciate what you do.

And so I ask. "What if they stop doing tricks altogether and just skate around on the pavement?" The answer is no. They have to leave. Have to get off campus. "The next time I see you here skating around I'll charge you with trespassing" the security officer replies. Now I don't know, I could be wrong here, but I don't think you can actually charge someone for trespass- ing on university grounds. Am I crazy? Is this some kind of secret-camp cam- pus? Only certain people, apparently, are allowed on this campus. Me thinks the university is not a very hospitable place for... strangers? We're a click. The worst kind - so stay the fuck off of our property, or we'll charge you dirty sons of bitches.

"You know what I think? I think, actually, that this is bullshit - I mean, to be honest." I say to the brave security, and he just shakes his head and says they have to go. Not everyone appreciates a little straight-forward

honesty it seems. I invite the skate- boarders into the Cadre office instead, and security follows behind, likely very confused. But this poor fellow was confused already. Security you know.

The skateboarders explain that ever since the skate park has opened everyone tells them to simply go there. But the skate park closes at 9:00 pm and the lights go out, and after that there's no where to go - and these kids have trouble everywhere they go. They are even told by some that they have to leave because they are going to chip the pavement. I'm confused. It seems to me like skateboarders - as they have always been - are simply getting picked out as a minority group and hassled. A university is the last place you might expect it. Thumbs up to a good job for the brave UPEI security

force, who patrol our school grounds and keep them a safe place to... yeah. But hell! Bring out some pepper spray and get rid of those fucking assholes

outside who won't shut their dirty traps! Trying to study - you under- stand.

— Residence Life By Rebecca Shorten

Leaky Residences: “He suggested getting a bigger bucket...”

Movie Review: Chicago

The ladies were out. We have the

‘| choice of The Big Chill or

Chicago. What girl can't resist a musical. Especially with Richard Gere. Man, watching it makes me

_| wish I could sing. And dress up

like a old time hussie at the same time. So Roxie (Renee Zellwegger) kills the man she's cheating on her husband with. She goes to jail and finds that her Broadway idol, Catherine Zeta- Jones is there also for killing her husband and sister. And I am telling you, if girl jail is anything like what it was in Chicago, I'd be killin' a certain somebody too! Holy crap girl jail looks fun! They got to keep their cells open all

day, wander around in their house coats, cell-to-cell gossiping and whatnot. Singing and dancing and having the massively huge breast- ed Queen Latifah as the jail war- den. What a life eh? Let's not for- get Roxie's psychoticness of think- ing that everyone is singing when really they are not. And Richard Gere was a lawyer, helping the girls get famous while in jail. The scandals, the lies! Eventually the 2 girls get out. Roxie can't find a gig, her and Zeta-Jones meet up and perform the biggest show on stage. It's too bad you don't get that same respect after getting out of jail these days.

Ash D