Once a mild-mannered university office building, the Spire, now well into its pont eres seems to provoke strife and and conflict in all quarters. Is this the

e Charlatan, Aug. 28, 1998 e University of Carleton’s Official tudent Newspaper, page 12

Dicky ‘Needle Disintegrates: $5 Mil of Our Money One Ugly Blob

nthe most dramatic event since last year’s iology pub, the Carleton Spire, a.k.a. ‘the tuggie’s Dream,”’ (see article of July 14, ‘We’ll Tell You Where You Can Stick Your pire’’) was hit by lightning in the middle of ¢ storm on August the 15 and by the 17th had isintegrated into a giant pile of slop and goo. he Spire had been having trouble the last few eek. The ‘“Biological Concrete,’ made up of giant bacteria colony run amok, ran amok ven more than usual, and the spire threatened grow to colossal proportions. Dr. Gradshal, long with her colleagues in the Chemistry and omputer science departments, tried every- ing they could think of to stop the crazy rowth of the tower, including air-dropping iant quantities of antibiotics and disinfectant- tono effect, other than to reduce the incidence f bacterial infection among the seagulls of ow’s lake and send three people to hospital tallergic reactions to penicillin. Attempts to ggle with the computer programming and hange the computer’s ‘‘infinity orbust’’ men- lity had similar lack of success. The profes- ts were finally reduced to cutting off all utrient solution to the top of the tower on ugust 10th, but they refused to cut the electric pply to the computer and its related systems,

pr fear that the remaining colony might ee

srange effect of the radical new building material used in the construction? iological Concrete, which is actually composed of bacteria which grows a eratenous shell, forms the outer shell of the tower. Could the computers, guided yy two elegant mathematical functions, be causing these problems? What really is. going on at Carleton University, the scenic, seemingly innocent university

ampus? Read on, gentle The in & third instalment of pire

By James Foley

out of control once the guidance system were removed. Ricky Clayborn, a real clever guy who works here (he’s a biology grad student), tells me that removing the nutrient without stopping the growth process might have weak- ened the entire superstructure of the Spire, since bacteria starved for food but still electri- cally impelled would start feeding on them- selves, all the way up and down the building. Anyway, the end result was that the lightning strike really frigged things up. No- body saw much change at first. Some wags even thought this might stop the thing grow- ing, but instead ‘“‘it overrode the computer program, causing twice-normal growth in an already weakened frame,’’ says Ricky. Soeven if some bacteria died from electric shock, the ones who were left were more than enough to overgrow the whole thing. The actual collapse was slow-- no one was in any danger. It wasn’t even very dramatic-- just some blobby thing that sort of dribbled down bit by bit. All this writer can say is next time, know what you’ re doing before you go blowing up some pie in the sky, spending who knows how much (5 mil- lion, to be precise-ed.) on some crap we don’t need. So tough luck to all you engineers who are out of work-- maybe now you'll be able to go get a real job where you belong-- at Mcdonald’s. Andas for the Math and Compu- ter people, hey, maybe you can sell some inSPIRing soup at your next barbecue [which is long overdue]. For more see: ‘‘Why Chewing on The Spire is Even More Fun Than Chewing Your Finger Nails,’’ page 16, and a seri- ous editorial from Todd about all this on

page 2.

SAVE-EASY |

449 UNVERSITY AVE. NO-NAME _§! POTATO CHIPS!

you like to draw? If so,

Are you a poet? A fiction writer? How about art, do

why not get some of your work printed in the X- Press? We are always interested in someone's imagination. Submissions must be in by 9:00am Firday mornings, room —

' i I t i i i i i ' — r

06 Main.

whan Maiden

Unseen by all those who were to wary,

The cool unforgiving inner void of the,

Tron Maiden approaches.

Foolhardy hearts frolic within the breeze, Unconcerned with the impending doom readying, to imprison them.

Misled feelings cloud the senses as signals,

Are misread confusing one's thoughts of the, Impending dangers ahead.

A painful tug of the heart was not Cupid's arrow, but shall soon be found to be a painfully poisoned,

Dart as those inevitable doors surround.

The sharp rap of reality is more than one’s, Heart and mind can bare as the disecption,

Is complete.

Once again the Iron Maiden claims another,

Of love's foolish suiters as it ravages their, Shattered insides to leave only scars behind,

To speak of her passing.

-- Tom R. Beveridge

Notes Taken in Professor

Gammel’s Class I

Born 1931-now lives in Ontario

Roles+Relationships are important

Loss/Mourning-Process of healing

Accident-child’s death

Stone in the field-Father’s death

Moon’s of Jupiter-last days of father’s life

Healing

Memory+Remembrance

Consoling Fiction

Realism of her writing

XV-Introduction-Presents ordinary routine of life then brings in something else, asudden revelation (Epiphany)

Il

Go Away, | want to be Alone Don't talk to me, | don't

Want to talk to you. Everything

| say is so much of myself

And | don’t Want to Give it away. | want to be mysterious now

Go away, | want to get stoned Wrapped, coiled in smoke and iron Cloaked in such a mysterious way Keep it short, if at all, Go Away

il

Men made woman

Bring home the Bacon Francis raped the earth

Men made man

Who made them

Woman made men

Bring home the Bacon Francis spoke such language Bar stool Grovel and Rabble Who made them

The one | am, of them

No smiles, easy going, flowing Flashes of teeth to bite Nothing like the perfect union. No flow on a bumpy road Bringing home the bacon

-- P.G. Matheson

:

[November 1, 1994