Security Radio

Tower

The new security radio tower was put in place today at the Utility building. With this new towerr, Security personnel willbe | in a much better position to battle the endless crime that abounds on our UPEI campus. | “We will be able to battle crime

on a much higher scale” said Of ficer Bob in an interview earlier

Student Swallowed-By Massive

UPEI student Mac Starzan was suffocated by a massive pond which head of mainte- nance described as “coming outof nowhere”.

This strange phenomenon has now occurred for the third time in two weeks. President Eliot stated that an immediate investigation will be forthcoming. Mainte- nance believes that there is the possibility of foul play.

The other students who were swallowed werre identified as

Mud Puddle —

Maintenance says

“It Came from Nowhere!”

ecurity Receives New C—5 Grenade Launcher

Clio, and Byron Kiddlemeir, aged 27 and 22, respectively.

Dean Macmillan was desper- ately trying to avoid any com- ment, when he and another stu- dent were walking near the sight.

UPEI Acceptsorm “Mature. Students

Details on Page 101 “wv

Worried about computer viruses? A 3 major development at UPEI oc- There’s only one guaranteed method of curred when the new C-5 grenade software protection.

launcher arrived. President Eliot announced that this will be used to ensure that the Holland Col- lege debating team will never de- feat us again in a debate.

SU President, Dean MacMil- lan, exclaimed that there was one large reason for having the grenade launcher on campus. “to combat the growing threat of the campus becoming contaminated with PCBs. When asked what the hell PCBs had to do with it, MacMillan replied that the gov- ernment will listen to us if we had a grenade launcher.

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