Beliefs

By Matt STEWART

Recently I've been encouraged - or even chal- lenged - by a certain professor, to explore the set of beliefs that | live by. He argues that it is these beliefs, more than any ~ other factors, that dictate how we live, how well we interact with others, and the kind of peo- ple that we are. | can't say that | find any fault in that reason- ing. It is our beliefs, after all, that separate us from one another and make us individu- als.

Taking that professor's advice, I've decided to outline my beliefs here, hoping to learn something - anything - about how | live, about my interaction with others, and generally, what kind of person | am.

| believe that Latrobe Breweries makes the finest beer in the world. | believe that The Simpsons isn't funny anymore

and that O.J.'s "hunt for the real killers" will probably come up a little short. | believe that the Philly Cheese-Steak sandwich at Razzy's Roadhouse is sec- ond to none. | believe that I've probably consumed enough Starburst over the last twenty- two years to fill a large ware- house.

| believe that Jack Kerouac's On The Road should be required reading for the entire human race. | believe that Communism should work, could work, and would work if

_ Capitalism wasn't so damn

enjoyable. | believe that there probably is intelligent life on other planets, but somehow | doubt that they sit around all day designing spaceships that are shaped like dinnerware. | believe that the metric

system is responsible for my inability to conduct multiplication on numbers larger than 10 without the use of a calculator.

| believe that Astro-Boy is one of the greatest television shows of all time. | believe that microwaved pork tastes like turkey, which makes me wonder about the cafeteria Christmas special from highschool.

| believe that the ‘World is round. The sky is blue. Money doesn't grow on trees. And | believe that one day, maybe - just maybe - I'll actually be finished with school.

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