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“ENGINEERS DO IT WITH PRECISION”

ENGINEERING SOCIETY NEWS Rules of The Universe

1. Rankin’s Rule - When in doubt of an answer, Apply Rankins Rule, which states that the answer is 0 due to the symmetry.

2. Rankin’s Theorem - When a problem involves a closed or open system (does it really matter?), the answer can be found by applying Rankins Rule

to each individual part of the system, and then multiplying the sum of the answers by Rankins Constant, the answer will be 0. 3. Rankin’s Constant (R) = 0

4. Dans Rule of Electrical Conductivity - to see if an object is a good conductor, it firmly with both hands.

5. Dan’s Law of Electrical Conductivity - to find the current through any charged system, simply apply Dans Law of Electrical Conductivity. The current passing through the system is directly proportional to the pitch of the scream let out, and inversely proportional to the inverse log of the intensity of the sound waves produced. ;

6. Shane’s Law of small circuit tests - Ifa small circuit appears to be burnt out (i.e. light bulb), simply remove and insert fingers. The answer should be obvious.

7. Dan & Shane’s Collary major circuit tests - Ifa major circuit (i.e. larger than light bulb) appears to be burnt out or broken, it probably is. Don’t fuck with it, it’s probably expensive. CALL A PROFESSIONAL.

8. Law of Attraction - If it attracts metals, it is a magnet, if it attracts an engineer it’s a beverage. (if it attacks flies, it’s a Bio.)

9. Shane’s Theorem of Broken Things - If the object which is broken is NOT your own, and it is broken, who cares, but if you broke it and nobody saw you - WHO CARES?

10. Engineer’s Rule of Ethical Behaviour - Always remember that two (2) wrongs do not make a right, but three (3) rights make a left.

ll. McAskill’s Guidelines to circuit testing - By simply following the given steps, it is possible to find the amperage, voltage , and resistance of a given circuit without any mechanical aids: STEP 1: Grasp the live wires in the circuit. STEP 2: Wait for short period of time and note results. If A) your hair stands up on end, you may have voltage in the system. If B) your extremities smoulder and char there is very high possibility of current in the system. If C) you don’t want to grab the wires again, there definitely is resistance.

12. Guidelines to University Course Selectum: The degree of difficulty of any university course is inversely proportional to the length of the waiting list and directly proportional to the thickness of the professors foreign accent.

: EMERGENCY QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

If you can’t dazzle them with Brilliance - Baffle them with Bullshit.

let a current flow through the object without resistance, and grasp

60 - ROOWDS - RER- MINOTE' Evie. HencHmAns 7

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