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Alix Kreap and the Library of Ages
Alix was again wandering the maze of tunnels and catacombs connecting all of the lands that appear in this column. Convenient, eh?
He ate the cafeteria-grade slime and mold to sustain himself. It was either that or dirt. Heck, you decide what he ate. That’s beside the point.
Alix finally reached the land of Knott. In the distance was a village. The people in the village were starving. They ignored Alix and pro- ceeded to dig up netted gems and eat them — french fried, of course.
, “I’ve come to save you!” declared Alix. He had seen The Temple of Doom and knew exactly what would happen. I told him so.
Someone moaned, our Cookbook!”
A resident Mystic yelled, “End the Darkness! Search the Library of Ages!” Naturally, he was high on Pit Powder. That’s dehydrated Pepsi, or something like that.
Alix set out for the Library. In actuality he didn’t know what would happen. You see, I’d lied to him.
. Anyway, he finally reached the Library of Ages. There he met the Gatekeeper. No, this Gatekeeper was not a servant of Gozer.
“Stop!” yelled the Gate- keeper. “You may not enter!”
“Why?” asked Alix.
“Get
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“I don’t know,” mused the Gatekeeper.
So Alix entered, leaving behind the poor confused Gatekeeper. The huge Library of Ages loomed before him. Alix Kreap entered through the Revoling Doors, which represented the land’s motto — garbage in, garbage out. It seems that no one had ever heard of ‘ re-. cycling. What does this have to do with Alix? Nothing whatsoever. Enough said.
Inside the Library, he was met by the Reverend Suun and his Followers, all dressed in immaculate pinstripes with equally perfect hairdos.
“Welcome to the Library,” smiled the Reverend. He promptly disappeared into the shadows, leaving behind his smiling Followers.
Alix was then treated to a feast of mashed turnips. He got sick, just like the girl did in the movie. When he re- gained consciousness, the Followers were gone. So, Alix Kreap began exploring. Anything to get away from the turnips.
He entered the Mane Library. Shelves of books rose and disappeared into unseen ceiling, for the Library was filled with Dark- ness. It seemed that no one knew how to use the lights. Soon, Alix was lost.
Luckily, there was a dull reddish light in the distance. The sound of chanting voices
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echoed through the shelves. With joy in his heart, Alix ran forth. H was saved! You judge his intelligence.
Halfway there, he tripped. It’s fun manipulating a universe!
In pain, Alix creeped forth. That’s why he was named Alix Kreap.
He came upon a most horrible sight — the follow- ing were sacrificing water- melons by placing them on an anvil and pulverizing them with sledgehammers! Then they took a captive capti- vating Froshling (Frosh- lingette?) and proceeded to mess up her shoes with the watermelon mush. She promptly fainted. Yeah, horror flicks and initiation are starting to resemble each other.
The Followers spotted Alix and took him prisoner. They then fed him more mashed turnip, which made him one of them, a Suunie! So, they showed him the three Cook- books hidden under the anvil and the Froshling that were forced to work in the Book Mines, searching for the other two Cookbooks.
These five Cookbooks were magical, for they gave the reader power to create food that could be eaten. Once the'Suunies got all the
Cookbooks, they would have ‘
a worldwide monopoly on fast food! Horrors! Alix was brought to the
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next initiation — I mean sacrifical — ceremony. Just as he was about to smear the Froshlingette’s shoes (it was the same girl as before) she kicked him in the teeth, which brought him reeling to his senses. He was no longer a Sunnie!
In a fluke burst of heroism, Alix incapacitated all the Suunies at the ceremony by smearing the watermelon on their hair, ruining their $30 perms! As the Suunies wailed about their hair, Alix grabbed the girl and the Cookbooks and ran for the Book Mines.
“Class dismissed!" Alix yelled as he pointed the slaing Froshling to the Revolving
granted.
Doors. As the Froshlings left, they topped the shelves of books, hiding forever the two Lost Cookbooks. Along the way, Alix dropped two
of the Cookbooks he was carrying. Now there were
four Lost Cookbooks. Wotta
guy!
Reverend Suun and his Followers began chasing
Alix. The girl complained
about being taken for
Alix wondered where he was. Even I didn’t know where he was.
After going in circles, Alix
and the girl reached a rear
exit. As they got out, a fluorescent glow came fro the Library! The Darkness had been ended! Suun must have
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turned on all the lights trying to find Alix!
Alix went back to the village. The Last Cookbook was torn from his hands with- out a single word of thanks. The girl went back to her boyfriend, leaving Alix with nothing. Alix sighed.
Not knowing what to do, Alix left in hopes of finding adventure. Actually, he was banished by the villagers. This only goes to show that you can’t keep an average man up. Maybe he should have struck back with his puns, eh?
The moral of this story is: DON’T BELIEVE EVERY- THING THE NARRATOR SAYS. Believe it or not!
“Fresh” point of view
By Kaberi Dasgupta
Do you really know your university, or do you just think you do?
Odd question? Not really.
After the first couple of weeks of university, I thought I had a fairly good idea of what this campus consisted of and where everything was.
I felt that the experience of walking around the Library five times looking for Memorial Building had taught me something. At least I believed I knew the Library, as it’s the place where I am obliged to spend 30% of my time.
I was wrong.
One Thursday morning, I decided to look for a book that I needed for an English essay. AH was part of the call number.
This was a new experience for me .. I had never gone, beyond the QH’s before.
Happy at the thought of having made some progress in life, I set out with all' the
penalized for missing exams will now have the help of law students in their appeals. Dalhbusie law students have pledged for the first time to help other students deal with complicated appeal procedures. Now students who lost previous cases be- cause they could not afford
relish of an explorer to find my AH book.
The stacks have always given me a feeling of fore- boding. It is as if all this knowledge, packed in this room full of books, is about to encroach on me and swallow me up. . '
Coupled with the fact that is usually dark Up there, you have one spooky room. '
However, this was in the past.
With the confident feeling that I almost knew where I was going, I went to look for AH. As I headed for what I believed to be the end of the room and the beginning of the alphabet, there was no wall. .
Nor were there any AH’s.
The room just extended into a room full of study cubicles. Needless to say, it was quite a shock. The room had taken on a completely new perspective; it wasn’t small.
Thinking that I had seen all there was. to See, I let
lawyers will} have a- greater chance "of ' winning?" their appeals: '- ' -
Student council president Alex Gigeroff said the ex- pense of. hiring a lawyer to deal with appeal procedures was “costly” and “needless” and should not have been borne by students.
He said the law students will advise and instruct stu- dents on how-towin their appeals. He hopes students make use of the service ,be-
down my guard.
Then 1 saw it -—.. an in- credible room with glass walls and an immense picture window. The sun seemed to drench everyone and every- thing in this room. What a discovery!
In the next couple of days I was further enlightened. Did you know that UPEI is bulging with lounges?
There is the Student Lounge . and the Faculty Lounge, both of which I knew about. There are also the Math lounge, the English lounge, the Political Studies lounge, the Canadian Studies
lounge, _ the Sociology- AnthropOloty lounge have you eVer heard of these places? ‘
Did I ever find my book, you ask?
Did I ever find the AH’s?
Yes, I found the AH’s but alas, the book was not there.
Don’t be too upset, though. I found it at the Confederation Centre library a couple of days later.
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. ’ HALIFAX (CUP) '-.- Dal? , 1 hOusie ‘ ,University' - - students . who think their term papers
' have been marked unfairly or
. that they have been wrongly
cause he says it will 'save them hundreds of dollars. ' _ Dean of students E. ,T. Marriot said she thinks many students will use the service because it is neutral. “It doesn’t contain the trappings of the administration,” she said. . The law students will be trained in the basic skills of counselling and their services will not interfere with those provided by. the university admit-trad”: . r '1