The Unmagical Adventures of Tess and Dunny

Monday September 27

Tessa,

Thanks for the letter; I didn’t expect it so quickly. That’s only about five days for mail to get to Saskatchewan, I figure. The town you’re in sounds like a nightmare. Seriously, I’ve actually had night- mares about waking up in a Hudderite-like community. You should start quoting Ozzy Osbourne stuff as an obscure book of the Bible and see what they say. It might be crossing lines, but they need a well- rounded education. .

Work is going all right. Remember how I said that Henry Pogue wasn’t much of a lawyer name? Turns out he’s not much of a lawyer. His uncle is one of the partners and it was his uncle that got him the job. I guess he’s a year out of law school and skipped the year of articling because of his uncle. Working for him isn’t that bad. For a crap lawyer, he’s very unaware of it. I fetch-and-carry for him and he’s quite friendly to me. Drinking after work is a nice solace.

The apartment is another situ- ation. Michelle is driving me insane. She doesn’t have a job yet and doesn’t leave the flat. She just mopes around all day and then whines to me when I get home. This is a typical dialogue:

MICHELLE: (nsert whiney voice here) Duncan, why can’t I get a job? DUNNY: How about you shower and get your fat ass out of the flat and look for a job, Michelle?

MICHELLE: There’s no good jobs out there......

DUNNY: Well, let’s see. You have the intelligence of a shaved monkey, so there’s got to be some sort of vocation as an assistant Feces-Flinger! MICHELLE: Can you come with me? DUNNY: (screaming, gurgling noises as I foam at the mouth and my eyes roll back with rage) |

Sweet Jesus, she’s driving me nuts. The good thing is, it’s brought Doug and | together as a strong front against her. Now we work together to

drive her out of her tiny little head. He.

found out that she hates smoking, so he went out and bought the fattest, blackest cigar and lit it up in the kitchen. She got pissed off and stormed out. Doug and I figure getting tongue cancer is worth keeping her out of the flat.

“Good luck with the Hudderites, it sounds like a really swinging pad you’ve got.

Duncan. Thursday, October 7

Dear Dunstan,

I’m glad to hear you’re hold-

ing your own. So I guess smoking does have its advantages. Wow. I started at the Hudderite school a few days ago. I see the Hudderites as the Amish with tractors. They actually make a ton of money from the farm and then they pool it to make more. Holy crap, you wouldn’t know it by the way they dress!

The Hudderite women make clothing for everyone in the commune (about one hundred people) using the same four prints of material. Without a polka dot kerchief, grey or black pants, or a purple plaid shirt, they know for sure that you’re not one of them. That’s okay though. The ker- chiefs are kind of ugly.

There are about fifteen chil- dren in the class taught by, Mrs. Sanderson. And yes, she makes me call her Mrs. Sanderson. I think her first name is Gloria. Anyway, Mrs. Sanderson told me that the provincial government of Saskatchewan forces the Hudderite elders to allow certified teachers into their communities to teach their children the basics. As soon as the children finish grade eight,

their lives as students are over and off they go to help their families farm, cook, sew, etc. It’s actually quite sad. I have this urge to cram as much knowl- edge into their little heads as possible: politics, philosophy, astronomy, histo- ry, art-and almost nothing compares to the life lessons included in the auto- biography of Sammy Davis Jr. Oh, so little time. Stay tough. Write Back soon. Oh, my best to the delight- ful Michelle!

Tessa.

PS: My uncle thinks I’m a pagan now because I have candles burning non- stop in my room. The winds have changed and the house is now down wind of the pig farm. Oh, help!

POSITION President

STUDENT UNION ELECTIONS

Nominations: Monday, March 4th - Friday, March 8th 12:00pm Pick up your nomination forms at the Student Union Office in the Barn

ekestoe teas Any full-time student Se ieee toa Any full-time student eet Vink Any full-time student

Executive Vice-President .............. Vice-President Activities................

A-ATtS REDS): sssccc. sch -oss-doerotec ek totenlecaue WL PORE DICE: IRODS 04400 oui sivas ssocacsit es sasse

EL Any Full-Time Arts Students Bais Any Full-Time Science Students mas Any Full-Time Business Students Sley Any Full-Time Nursing Student ...Any Full-Time Education Student ....Any Full-Time Veterinary Student sujet dectagsaaise Any Full-Time Student eee agin ene Any Full-Time Students SER Saes 8S Any full-time student

B BUSHIGSS REDS! 2. Sisccdsdctsscccs ance INGEST IRED ciyatitssc see uci d vcdiiessasceee PGUCAMON RED ei ci ee ceerscaces Veterinary Rep 20 ci scciywcrtessioeste. Board of Governors Rep ............:0005 tie Senate REDS isaac le a sect, COPA DUGSIAAT 35523) 5 sto cta ees ecogne os

WHO QUALIFIES?

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GOOD GRADES

GRABBAJSABBA

1378 Kent St. (Next to the post office)

2 FOR 1 COFFEE / 2 FOR 1 SANDWICHES

with this coupon (excluding specialty coffee) Expires March 15, 2002

2 Valedictorians* Valedictorian.....Nursing, Education, DVM, Master of Science, Ph.d, BBA, Bus. Diploma Valedictorian............. Arts, Music, Science, Public Admin Diploma, Engineering Diploma

*There will be two convocation ceremonies this year. Ask for Valedictorian nomination form at the Student Union

*There is a mandatory meeting of all candidates on Friday, March 8th at 4:00 pm in the Barn*

- ments to the UPEI SU Inc. Constitution*

*A Referendum will be held in conjunction with SU elections to make amend-

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