Dim'wilt
By Jim Lai
“i hate these tunnels!” Sly Dimwilt screarried. His voice seemed to echo forever in the maze of tunnels.
A dizziness fell upon him like a sack of lead weights. He stumbled forth, weaving a path that would have shamed the DNA helix, or even the university registration pro- cess, in complexity.
Then he stumbled upon an elevator door.
“Who was the crazy idiot who built this place?!” Sly screamed. Maniacal laughter followed his scream.
He stepped into the
elevator and pressed a button .
at random. The elevator began to descend. Sly promptly fainted.
Sly was jolted to con- sciousness when the elevator halted. He crawled out the- door and got to his feet.
There was a sign in front of him which read: “You are here.” An arrow pointed to the ground in front of him. This did not help Sly figure out where he was.
A shrivelled man, looking much like a bleached raisin, walked up to him, held up a small mass Qf wires and radio tubes and asked, “Would you like to buy my Answering Machine?”
“I don’t know. Does it work?”
,haah!”
‘1‘"‘1 ‘no
“OF COURSE I WORK!” the little machine blared. “I AM AN ANSWERING MACHINE!”
“Alright, how much does it cost?
“What do you have?” asked the shrivelled man, his eyes bright with greed.
“I think I have some marbles from v Glumebell.”
Sly searched through his pockets.
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empty, white corridors of the Center of 'Underland. The spotless white walls were getting on his nerves, for they reminded him of King Drudge’s art collection. Suddenly, something snap—
ped in his mind. In a fit of rage, Sly threw the Answering Machine to the blank white floor. It shattered in a shimmering shower of tiny metal and plastic fragments.
Sly began to laugh. His hollow laughter echoed down the empty corridors.
(To be continued, despite all protests.)
GLEN BOSWALL’s column/review is not appearing in
this issue of the Gem, due to conflicts with mid-terms. It ,resume in the following Gem.
will
“Drat!” he cursed. “I lost >
my marbles in the flood!”
“So I see,” the withered man said. “Do you have any- thing else? Perhaps some lint?” The withered man smiled a sickly shrivelled smile and rubbed his hands together.
“Wait! I think I have some lint!” Sly shrieked.
“i’ll take it!!!” screamed the shrivelled man. He tore the lint from Sly’s hands and ran away as fast as his withered legs could carry him, all the while screaming: “The building blocks of a great castle are mine! Mine! All mine! Hahahaha haha
Sly stared at the Answering Machine lying peacefully on the ground. He picked it up. It stand of plastic and metal.
With the stinking Answer- ing Machine under his arm, Sly began to walk through the semmingly endless, and
Mr. K's anytime. The
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Enjoy an afternoon playing backgammon or cribbage and win top choice cuts of beef.
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Rock notes
“The latest news in R ‘n R”
By P. Stahl Maclntyre
Canada’s following in the footsteps of the U.S., following in the footsteps of the trend-setting British ADAMS has written a song called “TEARS ARE NOT
ENOUGH,” and all proceedings are going toward the
OTHERS.
Ethopian relief fund. The song will be sung by “THE NORTHERN LIGHTS,” a compilation of popular Canadian artists. The group will consist of BRYAN ADAMS, MIKE RENO (LOVERBOY), COREY HART, MARK HOLMES (PLATINUM BLONDE), BURTON CUMMINGS, CAROL POPE (ROUGH TRADE), TOMMY HUNTER, ANNE MURRAY, GORDON LIGHTFOOT, LIONA BOYD, AND
' PRINCE, following the American Music Awards, was
pestered by photographers, who in turn were pestered in the facial area by his two body guards. Both photographers are
pressing charges. .
PHIL COLLINS, of GENESIS fame, is going into the studio to record his third solo LP. Guest vocalists are
GORDON “STING” SUMMER of the POLICE, PETER GABRIEL ex of GENESIS, and HELENTERRY.
Fans of LED ZEPPELIN and BAD COMPANY will be interested to hear that JIMMY PAGE (guitarist for ‘ZEP’) and PAUL RODGERS (vocalist of ‘the Co.’) have formed a
EMPLEMA N.
Disputes in the Van Halen camp? - . ' Above. 'Diamond’ David Lee Roth. .
and called “THE FIRM”. They made their debut at the ammersmith Odeon with TONY FRANKLYN on bass and HRIS SLADE on drums. Their untitled debut album will be eleased mid-spring, with the single “RADIO ACTIVE.”
DUSTY HILL, bassist for ZZ TOP, has been shot in the bdomen with his own'gun, a .38 caliber, 2 barrel Derringer. t seems the bassist likes to keep his gun in his boot. JANE LLEN HENDERSON, DUSTY’s girlfriend, was pulling off is boots, when the gun fell to the floor and discharged. Don’t orry though, he’s recovering and will continue to work on heir new album, due out in spring.
Problems in the VAN HALEN camp? It seems that guitar irtuoso EDWARD VAN HALEN is just short of coming 0 blows with VAN HALEN’s producer of six albums, TED
DDIE wants TED out and VH’s engineer DON N LANDEE in or the position of producer(DONNproduced EDDIE’s song ‘DONUT CITY” on THE WILD LIFE soundtrack). But DIAMOND’ DAVID LEE ROTH savs TED’s in (TED
Thu
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Graphic Humbcr Vent:
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BORN N THE
recently produced DAVE’s “CRAZY FROM THE HEAT” EP). In other VAN HALEN news: EDDIE recently cut his long
BRYAN bangs for a shorter look, and has been seen playing with PATTI
SMYTHE AND SCANDAL in L.A., Austin, Texas, and Dallas.
THE ROLLING STONES will be on tour in 1985. They are supposed to play Toronto, the.first time_since KEITH RICHARDS (guitarist of STONES) was busted for drug possession in the mid-70’s.
In Local Rock News: 7
Be on the look out for P.E.I.’s own HAYWIRE on CBC-TV’s “ROCK WARS”, on Feb. 15th at 11:55 pm. It should show to be quite a performance.
Local Musician of The Week: JULIAN SPEARS (guitarist for THE EDGE).
This weeks Trivia Question: who is WILLIAM BROAD?
Answer to last week’s Trivia Question: DAVE EVANS is better known as ‘THE EDGE’, guitarist for U2.
Dear Bobby: I have discovered a great new diet I just have to tell your readers about. It is the easiest diet I have ever followed, all you do is follow
MEAL PLAN #3. Skinny
Dear Skinny:
Good idea, but do not attempt the #2 or #1 PLAN, for that gwould be close to starving. Bobby
Dear Bobby:
Is it rude to aks your prof if we did anything in the class I skipped? My friend says I’m foolish to even consider such a question. ’
L Nervous
Dear Nervous:
Never ask a prof if you did anything in class, since in his/her mind she/he is always covering the most important knowledge ever known by man.
If you must ask the Prof, word it so that the course seems all-important. ,
Try, “1 was forced to miss your wonderful course last time, land I would really be thrilled if you would give me a chance to hear at least some of the many high points of your lecture.”
It is far better to attempt to get the important stuff from someone else in the class and hope the Prof didn’t notice your , absence. ' Bobby Dear Bobby:
'Can you tell me why, if mid-term break is supposed to be for studying, we have most of our mid-term exams before the
b k? ' rea Confused
Dear Confused: Very good question. i It may be that the mid-term break is to allow profs a chance [0 correct all the mid-term exams. ‘ ’ ~' Bobby
Dear Bobby: is a weekly advice :fotr-the‘éstudents of UPEI. If you have any questions sendthemrtypcdgto The“ Nette’d can before n‘o‘o’n‘dn mommy; jw ‘ r w
a ,tnl' T.’ Kayak”: \.