THE CADRE

I Cafeteria Food: \ a. i I .

JANUARY 19, 1973 PAGE 3

It’s just like grandma’s cooking (and she’s been d‘ead‘for 2o years)

‘ Once again this year, hungry UPEI'ers, armed only with their growling stom- achs and amazing bravery, race in through the Cafe- teria's goors, only to be once again, disappointed.

Let's start with the accessories,‘like cutlery. Cutlery is one of those things that you see at all times, except for when you need it. It is for this reason that UPEI'ers are world—renowned for their skill at.eating soup with forks. The trays, however are always plentiful, and always washed, still hol— ding droplets of water as proof. In fact, it's sort rof a challenge to see if plates and cups can really float.

Well, so much for that. Now,I'd like to get down to the nitty—gritty,and wh- at could be more nitty—gri— tty.than the food itself? It is a sad story I have to tell. Last year, an in- nocent young freshman took a cafeteria hamburger in his hands.and said,”l'm st— arving. I haven't eaten all day, and now I'm going to put my heart 2 ‘

‘ into eating this hamburger" ~Unfortunate1y, he was _taken literally, and was approached by a grinning

who dragged him away,scr— eaming into the kitchen. This is not to imply that the hamburgers contain the hearts of Freshman, but how do we explain the strange,

'_pulsating bun on the plate?

Now, I like my meat rare, but I'm rapidly running out] of bandaids for patching

up these hamburgers.Still, they maintain their popul- arity, camoflaged by ket-

chup, mustard, and relish, as well as other assorted ‘ painkillers. Can we forget the taste that rushes over our tongues as we take our first and last juicy mouth- ful?\ Do we remember the health law which states ‘ that all meat must be cur— ed, and wonder why our ha— mburgers defy all cures?

My fear is that one day a riot will break out in the Cafeteria over this ha- mburger issue. Those not weakened by food—poisoning will rise up and confront the men in charge, who will

.ask,"do you have a beef?

And We will shout,"Beef, we should be So lupky!" Th- en we'll hurl dozens of ha— mburgers at the administr- ation, and watch the dest— ruction that comes to any-' thing that comes in the path of those black,shriv—

cook and two dishwasherS* Valed little frisbees.

' tuce.

BEWRITTEN FROM "THE GEORGIAN"

And don't think that the hamburgers are the on— ly things on the blacklist. Everything except water is questiOnable, and that's because ,what can you do to water? I For those of us who like big, hearty lunches, here's a sample of what to expect in a full—course meal. You start off with some hot greenish-brown soup that quickly clots in ’your bowl. Then you'll have a serving of mashed potatoes. ‘1 found how— ever that the last per- son who washed the potat- oes had carelessly forgot to scrape the mud off his boots. As a main dish, y0u might want a sirlion steak. But, as they say, it's good to want. So you settle for some cheap gfi- lled steak from the most obese cow ever to roanlthe range. I don't want to say that the steaks are small, but once I lost the damn thing under my veget- ables (I had two peas on my plate at the time).

For the dieters, there are the salads, with no extra charge for anything that crawls out of the let- Once I was surpris- ed to find that my salad

was not really a salad but was, in reality, a paper cutout. It was delectable but lacked salt. Other diet delight include ice ,cream which comes in every flavor but the one that you like, and who can forget the fresh fruit? Once, I exclaimed,"What delicious looking grapes.",only to be told that they were ac— tually apples.

I haVe not mentioned certain items like desert because they're not bad; it's the items baked into them that are perturbing. These include nails, pieces of Kurly Kates, pennies, cigarette butts, and rum— our has it that someone once found a Evening St- dents' timetable in his apple pie.,

Also, I refuse to men- tion the request for the trays to be returned is strictly for recycling our food.

Even knowing this, we valiantly continue to sea- rch the cafeteria for new things we haven't tasted, and for old things that we' ve blocked out of our minds. So my urgent message to my ‘fellow UPEI'ers is:Eat what is on your plate today, or you may be eating what was on someone elsels tomorrow.

P 11 t ' be

Pollution is what you _ ‘ d - L

are breathing today in this I b d d

fair city of Charlottetown. e _ H

No longer is it some dis—

tant problem concerning on— 1 . p V. w.; 1y large industrialized ar— eas, it is now clogging J. V i Q your lungs. ‘ -: flank

As one of their Cent—

ennial projects, the PEI Centennial Youth Committee has set up Pollution Probe. This‘is a committee that will look into pollution on the Island, how it affe- cts us now, and how it will affect us in the future. Pollution Probe will be concerned with the gather— ing of technical data, and photographing pollution on the ISland. The material collected will then be pro- duced in book form.

v If you can spare some time to do Something for the Island contact me at the Ph— oto Club Tuesday morning, Wednesday or Friday aftern— . oon; or leave a message at the Student Union Office in

' the Basement of Memorial.

Winston Maund

. . a _ N _ . . . n m a r . . . , ‘ ~