Stark Raving Sane: On Prudent Shopping

I had a huge chance this break. I went to Toronto. There are tons of oppor- tunities to seriously put me in financial trouble. As Eminem would recommend, I did not miss my chance or blow my oppor- tunity... to throw myself into debt!

My big problem was a tiny group of shoppes called Ye Olde Eaton Centre. I saw stores there that I didn't even know existed in Canada. I stepped into the leg- endary Pottery Barn for the first time and I know I was going to be in trouble.

You see, I am a strange creature in the spending world. I am one of those people who can instantly calculate the fea- sibility of any particular purchase. It involves factors of a)is it wearable? b)will I use it? c)it is timeless? If the price out- weighs factors a) through c), then it is not worth spending the money. It all has to be justified.

So, when I came across a Skirt* at Club Monaco (you should already be feeling an ominous vibe from that store name...), I instantly knew that a classy A- line Skirt from Club Monaco was worth me dropping two weeks' Cadre pay (plus applicable taxes). I have it at home now. It's so very Charlotte, I just love it.

There were two shirts at Old Navy that I was also interested in, but after investigating the quality and factor a) of the above list, I decided against both of - them. Bravo for me. So now, I have one brilliant Skirt but I am not burdened with two ill-fitting and poorly-made blouses.

This spending formula of mine is

Hear Ye!

The UPEI Theatre Society will be hosting a Cabaret Night at the Wave on Tuesday, March 4. We're looking for peo- ple to get up on stage to sing, act, dance, recite poems, do monologues, do skits, do comedy, host a theatre-related trivia con- test, and whatever else one could put on a stage.

This is a fund raiser which we hope will aid in the production of As You Like It, which will be performed the week-

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strange, because as anyone who knows me at all can attest, I have no ability to bal- ance logic. Most weeks, I can't even work out a logical time to pick up my sister from work, much to her frustration. In high school, my mathematics marks were always deplorable, but for some reason, I could do trigonometry without using for- mulas. | think that strange gift comes into play with the trig involved in shopping.

Here's how it works: If The Skirt is highly wearable and highly timeless (both factors are very important), those two factors lessen the importance of the Skirt's price. Understand?

Is this diatribe some sort of attempt to make myself feel better about buying an expensive Skirt? No way. I am proud of my purchase savvy and did not | regret my acquisition, not for one second. Why? Because of my tried-and-true trigonometric spending formula.

Um, well, so far this formula does not work for books. For some reason, my rate of book purchasing is far more accel- erated than my rate of book reading. I think that's about 5:1. If anyone can figure out a prudent shopping formula for this that does not involve me dropping out of school, let me know.

*Skirt is capitalized because of the author's affection and possible worship of said Skirt.

Hear Ye!

end of March 22.

If you've got a talent and want to strut your stuff, e-mail Marie¢ve MacGregor at theatre@upei.ca. If you'd like to participate but don't know what you want to do, e-mail her anyway and she'll set you up with something awesome.

If you're too phobic of stage per- formance, please come out anyway as a spectator to support your local Theatre Society. Tickets will be $5, but the memo- ries will ba priceless.

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