The Cadre +

6 April 1999

FEATURE 9

How to (not?) write an essay on time

By MELISSA DOUCETTE

1. Start at home. This way, you can be sure that you won't run out of paper, pens, Pepsi, coffee, munchies, uppers, or any- thing else you may need. The first time you try to explain to Campus police why you were shimmying in a window of Main at 3:00 AM after coming back from a Tim run will convince you of the wis- dom of this suggestion. Did you know that hand- cuffs chaff like a bastard?

2. Avoid distractions. Sib- lings can always be bribed into SHUTTING THE HELL UP! with food and/ or a movie (stick them in the basement, or move the VCR into their room). Par- ents can be scared into leaving you alone by men- tioning that in a few years YOU get to pick out the nursing home. Shady Pines or Whi —it all de- pends on a few hours of

peace and quiet.

3. Remember that the TV is NOT always your friend. There are just enough channels that you are prac- tically to find something interesting 24 hours a day. And let’s face it, when you are sitting down to write about the virtues of sense versus sen- sibility in Jane Austen, the freakin’ Care Bears be- comes a fascinating explo- ration of your inner child.

4. Have instrumental mu- sic playing in the back- ground. It helps to pass the time, and can even be in- spirational (the Braveheart soundtrack will whip your ass in gear). Stay away from music with words. Although having the line “despite all my rage | am still just a rat in a cage” might sound interesting to some, when your professor reads it you will most likely spend a few days looking at ink blots. “Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that my heart will go on” can have similarly disastrous consequences.

5. Don’t work in your room. Although it may be more quiet in your slum- ber chambers, keep in mind that there are ways to silence a noisy house (see number 2). The biggest reason to avoid your room like the plague is because of the warm, wrens Fier ing, most comft bed

in the

6. Don’t worry about caf- feine being a temporary fix. That’s what you're looking for! Don’t even to tell me that you're writing your essay the ight before. Professors might believe that crap (they're kinda cute when they talk about students

ng papers ea

eh

likely to make you want to retch).

7. Take a break every so of- ten. Read a book, have a little walk, take a bath. The latter will be especially ap- preciated by your fellow students.

8. For the truly well disci- lined, take a Simpsons

9. For the my UNdisciplined who too

the Simpsons break and re- alised that The Simpsons comes on a minimum of five times a

day, ourself to a. until 7:00 AM to up for lost time.

STUDENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY, THROW OFF YOUR DIGNITY AND CRY!

Pauline Tran Vice-President Internal

Wow! What a tumultuous year it has been! |

would sincerely like to thank UPEI students for al-

ing me to be the Vice President Internal for 1998- 1999. It was the best of times and the worst of times, but I feel blessed to have been able to work with so

many and made valuable friends along the way. is year, the University welcomed several new

izations on including Best Buddies and Caste Ca SS ee eet aes Centre, Campus Cupboard were

able to collect much needed food and items

Cadre faced many hurdles, by hard work and perse- verance shone when students were able to en- continues to show thanks to the strong

newer The Union Centre. Council- lors made it that supported student - zations by the significant role it plays on campus, and by ing its future.

I was with the work involved in the

pee. idati could not have gotten December without the support | ived from Stephen,

Tyler, and Steve. My fourth year is my most memora-

year at UPEI thanks to Alison, Jason, and Karen, whom | congratulate for their leadership and dedica- tion to student organizations.

THANK YOU PAULINE the Cadre

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